Parenting

Cloning or Individuality

Question yourself whether you would want to boss around your child and make him a clone who’s exactly like you when he grows up or you would rather let your child shape his identity, being the right influence in his life?

Quite often we are unconsciously busy creating a monarchy in our own house that we forget the liberation a child must possess to build his unique individuality. The newly found authority that we acquire from being a parent, ruins the conducive environment for the child to thrive upon.

When it comes to major choices of a child’s life, we can guide them depending on their age and understanding of the world, but for every choice, if we keep telling them exactly what and how to do something, we are simply propagating them to grow up to be our clones.

For instance, Saira wanted to take up Arts for she longed to be a writer. Her mother, Sangeeta, had always been a successful doctor and expected Saira to follow suit. In this case, Sangeeta can act in two ways. One is authoritatively just refusing and asking her to take up Science because she is the ‘mother’. The flip side would be to try and understand if Saira has a bent for arts or she is doing this for the sake of her friends. Talking it out and digging the root cause and giving the child room to explain will build a positive environment for the child to open up. If it’s only for the sake of her friends, guidance and counselling would definitely be of help.

Here, if Saira genuinely wants to be a writer, and we just ignore her demands, we aren’t only lowering her self esteem but leaving a scar in her mind for a lifetime. She would consequently be at sea choosing Science because she would have no drive to passionately pursue and build a career with it whatsoever.

Similarly, if Rajvinder wants to join music classes after school but his father, Shreyans, feels it’s only going to kill his time, we need to think again. Rajvinder’s passion for music gives him the sense of confidence and acceptance from society that he’s never felt before but just because his father thinks it’s irrelevant, there is no way he shouldn’t be taking them up.

It’s not only necessary but extremely important to relinquish our monarch and give our children wings to fly. Those classes would build your child’s character and individuality which no other subject class would be able to, because he has the appetite to chase it.

If supposedly, Shreyans feels Rajvinder’s classes are hampering his study schedule, he can always entrust him with the responsibility of managing his time well to take care of the same. When you let the children take some control over their lives, the results are generally pre-eminent.

Respecting children’s decisions even if they come from a different mental setup than ours, is vital. Remember, we as parents have the responsibility to empower our children and not overpower them.

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